Karen F. - Sarasota, FL:
My husband was sentenced to permanent alimony in 1998 (he couldn't
afford an attorney when he went for his divorce, his ex-wife got hers
pro-bono and the court then charged my husband her fees). The alimony
payment is $700.00 per month for the rest of her life PLUS we have to
pay for full medical insurance coverage for her - permanently.
My husband lost his job and has been out of work - actively seeking a
job for more than 3 years since his unemployment ran out. Last year
he received notice of a hearing on contempt for non-payment of
alimony. Venue is across the state (of Florida) and he couldn't get
transportation (our 2nd car was repossessed). He had an attorney
(borrowed money from family for that) and the attorney requested that
we be allowed to appear by telephone. Her request was denied. My
husband missed the hearing, and his attorney refused to travel without
a large payment, so he was found IN CONTEMPT and a warrant was issued
for his arrest.
After ducking and hiding in our own home for months, he turned himself
in to Sarasota County to see if he could prove to a judge his
inability to pay. Our finances were a mess - it should have been a
no-brainer.
When he turned himself in, he was immediately hand cuffed behind his
back. When asked when we could appear before the judge, there was no
answer. They subsequently told my husband he "might" see a judge in a
couple of weeks!! He only went to turn himself in because we thought
the law said you MUST have the right to appear before a judge within
48 hours of being jailed; you know, due process, and all that? Well,
we were laughed at. Due process? Apparently only in CRIMINAL cases.
This was a CIVIL case. And what about "an attorney will be provided
for you if you cannot afford one?" Again, only in CRIMINAL cases. In
fact, we had been told by an
attorney that if he robbed a bank to steal the money and then turned
himself in, he'd stand a better chance of avoiding jail time!!!
I was told by the officers at the jail that if you're in on a civil
matter and have no attorney to request a hearing, then there is no
time frame on when you might see a judge. I was shocked, and
appalled. Because we were from out of town and my husband from jail
can only make collect calls - AND cell phones don't (under any
circumstances!) accept collect calls - we had no communication. In
desperation, I again borrowed money (from my aging parents on social
security who were there for moral support) and got an attorney. The
attorney was able to procure a hearing for us the next day. At the
hearing, I explained to the judge that I bought our home months before
we got married with funds from my previous marriage, and the house was
in my name only. Although I had some equity built up, we couldn't get
a home equity loan because of our poor credit. Our "purge amount" was
$10,000.00 -- it might just as well have been a million. We were
behind in all of our bills, our credit was destroyed, and we were
hanging onto our house by a thread (with funds from my $15.00 an hour
job only.) We were armed with proof of all of this - late fees, cut
off notices, repossession papers for our car, etc., etc.
After hearing about our financial situation, the judged banged his
gavel and sentenced my husband to 180 days (6 months!) in jail for
contempt until he came up with $10,000.00 cash, at which time he would
STILL owe the back due amount and still be required to keep paying the
$700 plus medical every month. A big guard grabbed my handcuffed and
SHACKLED husband – who was in a state of shock, and dragged him away.
He looked at me with disbelief. This couldn't be happening!
I cried uncontrollably during the long 4-hour drive home. My parents
were heartbroken for us. When I got home, I spoke to my husband for
the first time since this ordeal began a week earlier. He said he was
desperate, pleading for me to find a way to get him out. He couldn't
even tell me the horrors that he was experiencing in jail. There was
only one thing I could do - sell our family home. I called everyone I
knew to borrow money, promising to sell my house and pay them back.
My children sat in stunned silence. Thank God for friends and family
who pulled together for us - about 25 of them came up with the
$10,000.00 that we needed for the purge. Our house went on the market
that week, and sold thereafter.
We now have to pay a monthly rent that is MUCH higher than the
mortgage on our modest home, and we're lucky that this landlord did
not check our credit or we'd be out on the street. We cannot qualify
to buy a home because of our ruined credit. We can't file for
bankruptcy to erase our past bills because the attorneys said the
courts would go after the people who lent us money that we paid back.
I just got my real estate license. If we don't start making money
soon, we're sunk.
Here's the real kicker ~ Do you remember the story of the 13-year- old
Carly Bruscia who was kidnapped and murdered in Sarasota this summer?
A terrible tragedy. The guy who did it had a rap sheet two arms
long. Apparently, just days before he'd been released from jail.
Everyone wanted to know why a judge would let him go free to kill this
poor young girl. The judge - one Harry Rapkin who had transferred
into criminal court from family court - responded "I could not hold
him for not having the ability to pay his court fees - - that would be
the equivalent of DEBTORS' PRISON - which we do not have in this
country." We can't confine a murderer? I guess not.
Judge Harry Rapkin -- the SAME judge who issued the contempt order to
jail my innocent husband for his inability to pay $700.00 per month
for the rest of his life to his ex-wife who refuses to go out and
work. My law-abiding, good citizen, accountant husband whose biggest
crime was that he stayed in a bad marriage long enough for his kids to
be grown, to have a decent chance at life. The judge's response? If
it was that bad, you would have left a long time ago. And his adult
kids? They don't even speak to him – haven't in six long years. His
ex-wife fed them a diet of pure hatred for their father, and it stuck.
This story is unbelievable but true.
So, I ask, whatever happened to equal rights? Aren't we all equally
capable of earning a living, whether man or woman? Once the kids
aren't involved, why should one support the other? We need to be able
to move forward, to get on with our lives and our futures. Personally
I think divorce is reprehensible. But when it is unavoidable, when
two people just will not work together, one must be able to pursue
happiness, and without a financial ball and chain around one's neck.
I was a divorced woman with children - - I got no alimony. I don't
even get child support. Why? Because I went before the judge and
told him "we're both capable of working, I don't want any money. We'll
both take good care of these children." As long as my ex- husband
participates in the boys lives and provides for them when they stay
with him, what more should I be asking for? We share custody, every
other week. It requires that we live near each other, that we agree
on major decisions in their lives, and that we discuss and agree upon
any possible relocation. It's a small price to pay to keep the
children emotionally well. We all have free choice, and we should
choose to be decent, respectable adults who put the children's needs
first. They didn't choose this mess, we did. They have no one to
look out for them except us, the parents. We should act accordingly.
Adult spouses, on the other hand, whether wives or husbands, should be
able to take care of themselves.
Karen F.
PS. I was a full time college student but had to drop to ½ time (and
lose my full scholarship) while I pursue making some money selling real
estate. My major in school is pre-law. If I ever get the chance to
get through law school and pass the bar, I'm going to spend the rest of my
days fighting against the ridiculous and inhumane practice of putting people
in jail because they can't afford court ordered payments.
